If chemotherapy had weight loss as the only side effect I am sure half of the London trendies would be paying thousands a year to loose two stone in two weeks. It’s pure poison but so is botex. I wouldn’t put it passed them. Poison, three types will be dripped slowly into my body none stop for 162 hours. I will have to record how much I piss in case it causes kidney failure. I will need chest x-rays to see if my lungs are damaged. I will need ten tablets a day to stop me being violently sick. I won’t be able to have a shower because I can’t take the drip off.

What does the chemotherapy do, well to cut a long story short, it kills cancer cells, healthy blood cells, it knocks your cell count down so low you need constant blood tests to see if your body can fight other infections while you are having chemo, your immunity can go so low that a cold could be lethal. When you have testicular cancer it can show different proteins and levels in your blood tests, there are technical words for them but most patients and doctors call them tumour markers. Mine where 6.0 at the time I had my testical removed which is quite low, most doctors say four to five is normal but it differs from person to person. It’s just like some people have high heart rates and some low. Chemotherapy can be by drip (IV) tablet or by injection but in most cases it’s by IV drip. You can have it for three days solid right down to a few hours. There are lots of different types of chemotherapy; mine was to be BEP chemo two cycles of it. Two lots of three days none stop followed by four weeks of four-hour boosters. Which isn’t much if you think some lads have up to six cycles.

There was a television room and that’s about it. I thought three days of this; pheew, a selfish thought I know but it was in my mind. I had to wait to start my chemotherapy because there was confusion in my notes. Dr Butt came over and had a feel of my glands and asked how I was. I said, "I don’t know". To be honest I was terrified, I was about to take one of the strongest medicines know to man so I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t down I just wasn’t happy. I was working out in my mind what time I would be home on Friday, the chemotherapy is like clock work seventy-two hours exactly. I worked it out that if I started within the next two hours I would be home on Friday at two o’clock in the afternoon. So I wanted to get it started. Janet walked round with the drip, chemotherapy and the pole on wheels. She set it up and put a needle in my vein, the needle would stay in for the seventy-two hours. Janet said there’s two lots here, there was a syringe attached to the pole, which released a medicine over twenty-four hours because it’s so strong. So I had two lots ready to go into my body. Janet connected me up and turned it on. I don’t know what I expected but nothing happened, in fact on Friday at two o’clock when it finished still there was no different feeling. 

Over the three days all I saw was nurses changing my chemotherapy every time it ran out. Day or night my drip would bleep and a nurse would change another bag. A few visitors came in Pete, Nigel, Billy, Mum and Dad, I think they where expecting me to look awful and where surprised when I was up and about, cracking jokes and talking. Pete would bring me a Boxing News Magazine every time he turned up. Kelly would bring sandwiches, drinks and sweets, mum and dad nowt ha ha! Richie came up and made bollock jokes and pointed at me when he said the punch line (he knows how to cheer me up). People would ask what was the drip, I said "it’s chemo" and they would say " is that how they do it woooow" then stand and look at it for ages and ignore me. Carl and Hammo came in again. Just the usual hospital stay really. 

I wondered if the chemo was working because there was no illness. All I had to worry about was recording how much I was pissing in case my kidneys started playing up. You do go to the toilet quite a lot because of all the fluids that are being pumped into you, that’s the only ball ache (Richie joke). One of the hard things about being in a cancer ward is when your mates and family leave, you have a feeling of "OK you go home healthy and I will stay here and keep fighting". It’s a selfish thought but you wonder if they know what you are going through. Before I had cancer I would think straight away there gonna die and have a few seconds of sympathy and it would be forgotten about. When you have cancer, at first you think you are gonna die, then after a talk with the doctors and nurses you start to believe you will be OK. What people don’t realise is if it is caught early it can be cured apart from a few cancers. Testicular cancer being one of the most curable if found. It needs to be found and it needs to be checked as soon as you find something. As you get older it gets less of a threat, lads between fourteen and thirty are most at risk. It’s still a danger after that but less so. 

Friday came around slowly. Over the last few days I had seen some horrible things. There was a girl she must have been no older than seventeen, she was so frail and ill I just wanted to lift her up out of bed and carry her outside to show her the flowers and birds. She was a pretty young thing but I was afraid to say hello because she was so ill. I still don’t know to this day if she’s OK or who she was. One thing I did see is a family who had come in to see there mum, she must have been no older than fifty five, while they where visiting she became very ill, her son and husband went to the doctors office while her daughter stayed with her alongside the doctors and nurses. I sat on my bed and just cried into my hands knowing that she was dying feet away. Ten minutes later she was dead. It all went very subdued and quiet. I saw the doctors and nurses take the family into a room because they where so upset. Dr Butt sat in his office and just stared at the wall for a few moments and gave out a big puff of breath. I don’t suppose it gets any easier in his job. 

I didn’t sleep a wink that night; I sat up with my headphones on and listened to the Beatles over and over. I listened to "Golden Slumbers" off the Abbey Road CD and it brought tears to my eyes because it made me miss my baby boy. I know a few people who won’t show emotion and think it’s unmanly to cry, these people are usually the ones in most torment behind closed doors. I am the same I don’t show much emotion but I was full up to the brim that night. If you have a good chance of making it or a poor chance you all feel the same behind closed doors. Someone said to me a few days ago "We heard you where coping well with it all", for some reason I wanted to bite their head off and shout "What do you want me to be like a fuckin mess just so you can feel good about yourself and know how lucky you are" silly I know and I don’t know why I felt that way. Friday was here Kelly arrived to pick me up just as Janet took out my chemo, I said "What’s the fuss I feel OK" Janet just smiled and said give it time mate, but I felt great physically, but that night took it out of me mentally. I got home and just played with Charley for an hour or so, then I went to sleep I was knackered. I was fine until two days after I got home, it was nine o’clock in the morning I had just woken up and looked at the clock next to the bed, it was blurred but I could just make it out. I took a deep breath in and that’s when the chemo hit me. I ran to the toilet and hugged it as I threw up. 

I had never thrown up so hard, I had to lock my hands round the u-bend because my legs where lifting off the floor. I was retching so hard blood shot from my mouth and nose not much just spots. It lasted for about ten minutes; I went back to bed and woke up at four o’clock in the afternoon. I had just had seventeen hours sleep, I got up and tried to walk to the landing to go and get a cup of tea. I crawled to the top of the stairs and shouted Kelly, she said she would bring a cup of tea up. I don’t remember much after that, but I do remember feeling better three days later, still tired but more clear in the head. It got better day by day, but I was still so tired all the time, I got out of breath just walking up the stairs. I went to see Shakey at his house and went upstairs and I collapsed on his bed from tiredness, he laughed and called me a puff. A week after my chemo I had to go for my chemotherapy booster, it’s a four-hour bag on a drip, when you have the booster you sit with a load of other lads in a room, and we just talked football and music. I met Rob from Warrington who was on his last lot of chemo, he had had a rough time but his talks of chemo and his advice helped me mentally. Knowing you aren’t alone is a great help, you can’t talk to your mates about it, they listen yes but they can’t agree with you or relate to what you are saying. The four-hour chemo went OK; I went home quite happy having chatted to other lads with testicular cancer. I remember getting loads of energy and Kelly went out so I played air guitar on my bed to "Strange Town" by the Jam and an old Lenny Kravitz tape. I watched a programme about Coldplay; the band. The singer was going on about how everyone should come to Liverpool to write music because the city and the people inspire him to write his tunes, and I wondered if I had missed something cause Liverpool and its people are funny and happy? Coldplay have such miserable songs or maybe they want to feel working class for a few weeks a year. 

Kelly and I sat up and watched Moulin Rouge we where blown away, normally I wouldn’t bother with that type of film but for two and a half hours I was in another world, it nearly made me forget my troubles and even Kelly (who is not a musical buff) had a big smile on her face after it. People came and went, the lads from work had had a whip round and gave me a few quid, and they had been great over the chemo. I was still feeling like shit in the morning, sickness and tiredness. About ten days after your major dose of chemo your blood cells are at they’re lowest. There is an increased risk of infection at this point because your immune system has not got the power. I was pale and my temperature kept jumping up and down. I would lie awake at night rolling from side to side sweating with my heart jumping out of my chest. It wore off after a few days, at this point I got ringing in my ears and my hearing was also affected. It would stay for hours on end. When we did capture training in the army they would play a loud air blast into our ears for hours while we where tied up in a room. Little did I know that that would be helpful later on in life with ringing in my ears. Mentally I wasn’t to bad at this time, I was getting loads of sleep. People would visit and cheer me up a bit, Richie, Phil, Carl and Hammo all turned up with some Guinness. Lads from work came round and would rip the piss out of me. Although I was so tired and sick I was happy to see people. It’s hard to get out of the house because in seconds you could be that tired that you could probably fall asleep where you stood. So people coming to see you was a real treat. You do find out who your mates are when you have cancer. The People I didn’t expect to be supportive have been brilliant and the people who I thought wouldn’t hesitate to be there for me haven’t been.

I was back in hospital for another three days the same procedure as last time, on a drip for forty eight hours night and day, measuring my piss, this time though I took the bald head and sickness with me, I looked ill, pale and had dark eyes and patchy skin. I had lost half a stone and had started to get the shakes and uncontrollable blinking and hand movements. I didn’t ask the doctor about this because I learnt quickly that they just say "Maybe" about a symptom because everyone gets different side effects. To be honest you turn yourself off the second time round because you have had BEP chemo before. It becomes routine and you just get on with it. I wondered if lads my age who where visiting other patients looked at me the same way that I had looked at the sick lad I saw on my visit, pale, weak, ill, bald, was I that lad? People couldn’t look at me. It was Friday again and Kelly picked me up, the nurse said that most people feel the side effects ten times worse the second time around. I listened to the warning but wasn’t prepared for what happened the next day. 

I woke up the next day OK a little bit sick and a bit of the shakes, couldn’t hear a thing and had buzzing in my head. Kelly had gone for a walk with the baby and her friend Sarah so I watched television in bed for an hour. I stood up to get a shower; I reached for a towel and WHAM! My heart started jumping out of my chest at a pace that sounded and felt like a racehorse at full speed. There was no pain but it was a horrible feeling. This wasn’t right I said to myself, will it go away or should I ring an ambulance. After a few minutes I got dressed and rang for an ambulance, I rang Kelly on her mobile and she said she was on her way. It was a sunny day so I sat on the step outside. The ambulance came screaming into the road I flagged them down. The paramedic opened the back and I walked over, he laughed and said, "You look ill" I said "feel my pulse," he said "Jesus get in the back". I lay on the stretcher and they put sensors on me and gave me aspirin, my heartbeat was 180 beats per minute a normal heartbeat should be between 60 and 90 beats per minute. Kelly gave the baby to Sarah our friend and neighbour and jumped in the back. She looked shocked I said "Don’t worry there’s no pain" they gave me some oxygen and before I knew it we where at the hospital. My heart rate was still high and I was so out of it I couldn’t take it all in. I asked the doctor if it was a heart attack and he said "I don’t think so", he felt my neck and said "It’s not a heart attack it’s called a fibulation" and gave me a tablet to help slow my heart rate down. Apparently what was happening was one of the chambers in my heart went out of control, they managed to slow it down but it was still beating irregular 70 to 140 then 140 to 90 it was all over the place. They admitted me and sent me up to the cardiac ward and I was put on a monitor. The nurse Sandy said "Try not to worry it’s common and it can be sorted out most of the time but it can be dangerous if we don’t sort it out quickly".

The ward was much the same as the cancer ward but more manic, there where more nurses, noise and more patients on the ward. I looked around the ward I was the youngest one there by about twenty-five years. The men where all heart attack victims and stroke victims, but all surprisingly in good spirits. It was three o’clock in the afternoon when I felt the chemo kick in, I went so ill within a couple of hours Kelly had to get me a sick bucket to throw up in. It was such bad vomiting that the whole ward stopped and looked. I collapsed back in bed and slept for about six hours. The chemo nurse said the second lot of chemo was a lot worse she wasn’t joking. I woke up in the dark with the heart monitor still on and everyone asleep. The nurse came over and tried to give me some water I took a few sips and threw up. I was loud again and two nurses had to hold me down. I couldn’t stand up I was dizzy and grunting like a pig. I asked the nurse if I could go to the toilet and she put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me towards the toilet, that’s all I remember, the next thing I knew I woke up and was surrounded by doctors and nurses shouting and slapping me. It was just like a strobe in my mind images flicking in and out, needles going in my arm machines being put on me and doctors asking "Can you hear me, are you there Phil" I don’t know how long I was out of it for but when I opened my eyes there was a nurse and two doctors smiling at me and I wondered if I was dead, so manic and then so calm, the doctor couldn’t of been more than twenty five and was the image of Drew Barrymore, I had a feeling of being in heaven and Drew Barrymore was there to meet me. Then the doctor said in a cute posh accent "Phil your heart has jumped back to normal, your blood pressure is low but your heart is beating normally now. (I wasn’t in heaven, it wasn’t Drew Barrymore). I fell asleep again, I woke up at seven o’clock in the morning my chest felt better but the chemo side affects where here in force. I threw up for twenty minutes, collapsed back in bed and went back to sleep. I was so tired I didn’t eat or drink for another twenty-four hours. The heart doctor Dr Currie was pretty sure that my heart went into fibulation due to a reaction from the chemo. He said it was too much of a coincidence that it started a few days after my chemo. Dr Currie wasn’t sure if it would come back or not. If it was a reaction to the chemo it was an extremely rare one because the cancer doctors said it couldn’t be the chemo, but then they also wouldn’t rule it out. So I was confused but happy it had gone away. 

I was in the cardiac unit for five days I was so weak off the chemo I didn’t wash for three days. I couldn’t eat I lost a stone in weight over three days. I couldn’t sit up and would sleep none stop for fourteen hours. I was told as soon as I had the strength I could go home. The thing was I couldn’t even stand up and I needed to go home, I knew as soon as I got to my own bed I would be better mentally but trying to convince the nurses and Kelly was not going to be easy. So I decided to try and walk a few yards, I did it but I needed a nurse I was so out of breath. It felt like a speed march in my army days. I collapsed into bed and needed an hour to recover before I tried again. I had seen the cancer advert where the nurse is helping the girl up the stairs and I said to myself "I can’t be that bad". It was now that I realised that chemo is horrible, especially the strong combination that I was having. I would cry for about ten minutes every day in horror that children have to have this, as an adult you accept that we will get ill as we get older but as kids you just want to be happy and have fun. So it was a big black cloud in my mind thinking of kids in cancer wards. 

I started to eat and walk more, the nurse would help me into the shower and wait for me to finish before helping me back into bed, I was getting stronger. After five days the doctor said I could go home, I couldn’t get out of there quick enough, although the nurses where great and really helpful I just wanted to go home. The heart problem had scared the life out of me, there was a man in the bed opposite me called Arnie he had had a heart attack and was told that he had to have a triple heart by-pass and the fear in his face really upset me. He was a real softly spoken hard working man it made me think that life isn’t fair. The nurses gave me a kiss and the porter wheeled me down to the door where Kelly was waiting with the car. It was only ten minutes to our house. We got home and I walked the short distance to the front door I felt really ill, I got in the door and went straight up the stairs to bed and stayed there for five days. I got up for a little while each day, people would come and visit and I would try my best to have a chat, but all I wanted to do was sleep. I would lie in bed watching Video’s and DVD’s for hours, changing the DVD or Video would be a task in itself it took me all my energy to slide out of bed to change them. I watched Only fools and horses video’s non stop. I would play my guitar lying down and try and remember guitar solo’s I had forgotten. I would get angry because in 1996 or there about’s I could play every Oasis song and every guitar solo note for note, now I would struggle doing the opening bar to "Stand by me". I played so many CD’s there was a two foot pile of CD boxes and magazines next to the bed, ranging from Bowie to Aretha Franklin to The Stones to Queens Of The Stone Age. I listened to songs I had ignored and started to love them. I watched Countdown and got a five letter word after two weeks of trying, still can’t do the number puzzles though. I left school with an O’ level in Art (Maths was my most arse subject). After school I was a recording studio tea boy and roadie for two years until I joined the army. I only joined the army because my best mate at the time was joining the Navy, we both went in to sign on together and when we met outside he wasn’t allowed in because he had hay fever. So I went off to war alone! I don’t regret it one bit. I had my city and guilds and my B Tec qualifications in sound engineering and was a great roadie, all the lads I was on Y.T.S with went on to do well but I just wanted to do something mad. Tommo and me had gone to London to see if we could get on the road with a few bands but we got knocked back because we where only seventeen, they wanted thirty year old drum Tec’s, not acne ridden scousers. One lad we where on Y.T.S with called Edgar was on M.T.V recently playing bass but I can’t remember who he was with, I was with my mates looking through a shop window which sold televisions on the Falls road and saw him, all my mates thought I was making it up when I said I knew him. Pat O’Shaunasey went on to produce Atomic Kitten, Digger was last seen tuning guitars for Antrax.

Time came and went and before long I was able to go to the Johnny Pie for a glass of coke with the lads. I remember walking in and Phil and Shakey looking horrified because I looked so pale. I was falling asleep on the bar after about fifteen minutes and they drove me home. Slowly but surely I was coming back to life. I would feel great until I saw a mate or member of my family who would look and say "Jesus you look so pale and ill" and maybe mentally I would start to feel bad when they said it. Cancer is a mental battle more so than a physical battle. It’s hard to stay positive, a mates girlfriend said she wouldn’t lie around in bed all day if it was she she would be up and about fighting it. I’m sure she thought I preferred to lie in bed throwing up non stop. Mentally you try to get up and go in the lounge but physically you go straight back to bed. I rang the hospital and asked the nurse how long I would feel bad for after I have finished chemo and when would I be able to go back to work, I wasn’t expecting her to say three months but she did. I wanted to hear four weeks or so. It had been three months since I had been told I had cancer. I had finished my chemo and was happy but feeling rotten. I could feel bits of hair on my head, not much but it was a sign that my blood was returning too normal, my red and white cells where on their way back. 

I was invited over to the Paul Weller gig by Steve White who has been Paul Weller’s drummer for nearly twenty years. I was so nervous because; 1. Weller and Whitey are two of my idols; 2. I was feeling so ill and didn’t want to spoil it and 3, It wasn’t long since I had had heart problems and it was my longest time spent away from home. Steve White rang me and said to be outside the arena at five o’clock in the afternoon so we set off at four thirty. We found a parking space in the Albert Dock next to the venue, I had only got in and out of the car and already I was tired, it was also one of the hottest days in Liverpool I had ever known. We had a card and a bottle of wine for Whitey to say cheers for the invite, we waited outside the biggest tent (the gig was in a circus tent) I had ever seen. It would hold five thousand people inside it was so big. We could hear the band doing a sound check on stage from outside the tent, we waited for Rodger, Whitey’s drum Tec and roadie. There where lots of people sat outside just hoping to get a glimpse of Weller and his band. Although Paul Weller is the Godfather, his band are all well known and famous musicians. I was nervous about meeting all of them, I had never met anyone famous before and Kelly was a bit scared to. A roadie looking bloke came to the fence (All roadies look the same) and rang his mobile, he was ringing me to ask where I was because there where lots of people standing around outside listening to the band rehearsing. There where a few mods on scooters, little lads with there dads and old Jam fans all smiling and loving the sun. 

Paul Weller doesn’t come to Liverpool often and the buzz around the city that day was electric. Rodger found us and we followed him towards a door at the back by the tour bus, my nerves where by this time completely dodgy, Rodger said "Come on up the ramp but don’t go past the box". I was expecting to sit in a back stage area and meet them quickly then just have a look around, as we got onto the stage within a few feet where Whitey, Weller and the band. Whitey waved and we waved back Weller winked at Kelly and nodded at me. I had a rush of joy and Rodger got us two chairs and got us a drink (Top bloke). We sat watching the band for about forty minutes and it was great to watch the sound men and roadies all doing there stuff, because I spent two years as Clipper Cartel’s roadie and it was nice to see how it was done on such a large scale. I used to have two guitars to tune and four amps and a drum kit to set up. The band had a Tec EACH!!! After a while they all came over and said hello, Whitey was a nice fella and gave us a drum skin which they all signed for us, he chatted to Kelly and asked how we where, Weller walked over and shock our hands, he had a mouth organ and was talking and playing at the same time. It was then that I asked for a few photos, which they said OK to. It then hit me to ask Weller what I had been waiting to know for years I said "Paul can I ask you something?" he said in his London accent "Yerr mate" I said "What’s Dust and Rocks about?" It was only two months before I had wondered whether I would ever find out the answer because I was scared of dying, and there I was sitting with Whitey, Weller and Kelly being told by the man himself what it’s about. I told him that "Brand New Start" was giving me hope in some of the bad times and he shook my hand. They took us down to an outside area backstage and it was burning hot. Whitey introduced us to some people and got us a table and chairs, Kelly and I sat there for an hour and just watched what was going on happy as larry, by now though I was starting to feel it, I was dizzy and feeling sick and knackered and it was only six o’clock early evening. 

I noticed that Damon (Bass player for Weller, Ocean Colour Scene and The Players) was sat with Barry Horn the ex Everton captain on the next table, I had a few CD’s to get signed one was The Players so I went over and asked for a photo with both of them and an autograph. We chatted about Everton and had a right giggle. Whitey came back and got Kelly a glass of wine and we all sat chatting for an hour about cancer, life, music there was so much I wanted to ask but I was 1. To tired by this point 2. Still too nervous. I remember thinking how great it was to meet them but how very upset I was that I didn’t have the energy to even speak. Whitey took us into his dressing room and asked us if we wanted a cup of tea, I wanted to make one just to see if it would get my energy levels back up, but he insisted on making it. I realised after a while that Steve was a fella who knew a little about cancer and all about different therapies and stuff. He asked me how I felt and all about my treatment and I realised while I sat there that no one has really asked me these questions including my doctors and nurses. It was therapeutic just talking about it and he said he had recently lost a mate so he was interested in the treatment. He said "Why don’t you write down how you feel and all your thoughts". I can’t write, spell or read very well so I avoid any stuff like that like the plague. I mean I read a book once and struggled with it but he said "No you should try". I tried a few excuses to get out of it but he kept at me. I realised he was right and the result is what you are reading. We had a good chat and it was nearly time for Kelly and me to go into the audience but I said to Kelly and Whitey "Listen I am to tired to even walk properly" I wasn’t joking either my legs had locked and I had to take little steps with Kelly helping me. My head was heavy and I had to try my best not to throw up. Whitey then organised for us to watch the gig from the side of the stage and grabbed two chairs. 

I was made up we had a great view and could see all the stage. The buzz inside was electric, we could just see the crowd and it was packed to the doors, mods, kids, teens. Girls where there fifteen minutes before the crowd, standing on there chairs shouting "Weller Weller". I heard some of the crowd shouting "Why has it taken so long for you to get here". A roadie was explaining to about fifty lads at the front that they would come here every year but there isn’t a venue. What was really funny was a security guard in the audience area told about ten scouse scallies to sit down and they just started shouting "Weller Weller" at him. The lights went out and the place went bang, the noise from the crowd was deafening, five thousand people went mad, Kelly and me clapped and cheered as the band stood ready to run on stage. Whitey and Damon waved and we cheered back, as Weller went on stage the roof came off, I got a sudden burst of energy as they opened the show. I sat in my chair "Air drumming" and Kelly sang along. After about thirty minutes I was that tired I nearly keeled backwards and went into chemo coma (A name me and the other cancer lads had made up). I had to go home I was ill now and it was dangerous to stay. So we walked slowly to the car I was out of breath after ten metres and was coughing up flem and my lungs where slowly getting tight. I was gutted it had been one hell of a day and it will stay with me forever. Having to leave after half an hour of music really made me hate cancer and chemo but Kelly said "You did really well lasting five hours" "You wouldn’t have been here if it wasn’t for being ill". It made my year and I went home with a smile on my face. 

I slept for two days after that. It was hard but I started to write down how I felt. I wrote a few tunes on the guitar; it was good therapy. So here we are now with a web site to help you understand cancer, my story and lots of information. Whitey, Weller and Ian Edmondson have helped me set this site up. I am still ill and being treated but my health is coming back, my tumour markers are coming down, my heart is still a bit dodgy having palpitations every now and then but that’s probably more to do with ten years smoking and being lazy. I have got stomach ulcers from the chemo, which are going slowly due to the medication they have put me on. BUT!!!! It wasn’t nice but it wasn’t that bad. I am going for bike rides and walking in the local forest everyday which is agony, I need a good three hours rest after a mile or so walk, I get so out of breath and dizzy but the doctors say that’s to be expected. I have years of blood tests, prodding and poking to do and yes you are scared for life, you are scared it will come back and might well do but that’s life. Now all this has happened it’s a great life to have don’t get me wrong its gonna' take a long time to get over this and I am not out of the woods yet but I count my self lucky to be here, there are worse off than me, it could have been my baby or Kelly. With that I want to say thanks to Kelly and Charley for being there it was not easy for them, my Mum and Dad, sisters and all my family. Pete, Billy and all the boys in Vauxhalls for their help. Ritch for his testicle jokes, Phil, Steve, Carl and Hammo and all the doctors and nurses from Claterbridge and Arrow Park (I hope I don’t see much of you), Whitey, The Mod and Ian Edmondson.

Phil Morris